I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize