I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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