..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize