Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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