Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize