It's Friday. Sex?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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