I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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