and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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