What did we do last night that was yellow?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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