Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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