matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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