i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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