I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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