Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
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I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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