Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize