Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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