Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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