it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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