I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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