I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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