If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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