hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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