I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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