last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
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Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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