"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize