I heard we made out
her vagine was all disorganized.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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