did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
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My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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