No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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