i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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