Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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