Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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