My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize