She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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