I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize