..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize