After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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