There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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