he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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