Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
God, I missed his penis.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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