so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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