Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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