yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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