Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize