Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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