I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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