those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize