At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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