apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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