Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize