literally had 100 drinks last night.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
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I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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